KOBY Vinson

“I would take a bullet for him. Probably in the foot. But still.”

— a close associate

“He once ordered a medium iced coffee and the barista wrote ‘legend’ on the cup. That was me. I was the barista.”

— an eyewitness

“Not technically the best at anything, but consistently present.”

— a neutral third party

“10/10 would recommend, if he ever replied to texts.”

— his mother

“Borrowed my charger in 2019. Still has it. We’ve moved past it. I think.”

— Mike

“He laughs at his own jokes before he tells them and somehow it still works every time.”

— Britt

“Introduced me to a new cuisine, a new country, and three new fears. Worth it.”

— Josh J

“If there’s ever a Josh shortage, Koby is a surprisingly passable understudy.”

— Josh L

“I’ve watched him make a plan, abandon the plan, and still end up exactly on schedule. Witchcraft.”

— Trevor

“Would trust him with my life. Not my leftovers.”

— Derek

“Challenged me to a staring contest. Blinked. Insisted it was strategic.”

— James

“He was a good baby. Gets worse every year, but started strong.”

— his dad

“He said ‘I’ll be there in five’ once and meant it. We still talk about that day.”

— an anonymous friend

“He sits down, I do what I want, he tips anyway. Ideal client.”

— his barber

“Five stars. Didn’t tell me his life story. Small miracle.”

— his Uber driver

“I’ve never seen someone take a 2pm lunch so aggressively.”

— a former coworker

“He reacts with ‘haha’ to messages sent eleven days ago. He’s catching up. Let him cook.”

— the group chat

“He once waved at me for eight uninterrupted seconds. I waved back. It escalated from there.”

— a concerned neighbor

“Most likely to do that thing he does.”

— his high school yearbook, 2010

“Had potential. Still does. That’s the concerning part.”

— an old teacher

“Flosses when he thinks about it. Thinks about it exclusively in the chair.”

— his dentist

“Orders the same thing every time, but asks like it’s breaking news.”

— a barista at the usual spot

“Left a passive-aggressive sticky note on the fridge in 2014. I still have it. It’s framed.”

— his college roommate

“Told me about his weekend at cruising altitude. I now know too much.”

— a stranger on a plane

“Last place two years running. Participates with a quiet, unbreakable dignity.”

— his fantasy football league

“He overwatered me. Then he underwatered me. The inconsistency was the real killer.”

— his plant, posthumously

“Early drafts keep hitting the same problem: the subject insists he’s ‘not that interesting.’ He is.”

— his future biographer